YAY!!! It's all catching up to me.

I'm so tired, exhausted really, Emotionally, physically, and mentally. I had to have done something horrible in my life or my past life to have to deal with my life now.  I hate and I mean HATE Tower Diner and I fear that I will be there for the rest of my life. I miss so many people and yet it's my fault that I don't see them. Chachi, Missi B, Adam, Mommy, Katie (Even though I'm pissed at her), Hannah, etc.  I have to go enroll in classes, I have to go out and finish the website for the robinson volunteer fire department, I have to find a new fucking job a good one, perhaps in my field, but probably not. Who gives a fuck that I was on Deans List the whole way through school and graduated with High Honors (the only one in the class to do so)?  All the fucking work I do is free and what for? So that I can worry about giving mom more money for rent even though she doesn't want a lot from me, I still feel like I should give her more. I hate my body and am very ashamed of it. My bi-polar is spinning me very fast into a low, and I fear never crawling back out of it. I am developing ulcers and can't eat woithout getting sick........

I wish... I wish... I wish... that for one single day all would be calm and that I would not think and analyze so much. I wish that I could be sublimely happy, or at least content for just one day, and not be pulled in 8 different directions at one time.